February 23 - Wednesday morning from Tumaini . . .

It is 11:50 a.m. It’s warm, hot, actually (sorry to those of you in the barridi “cold”), and the sun is shining.  All of our older students are at school and as I write this I can hear the children repeating their vocabulary words for Teacher Winner.  The rote system of learning is not perhaps the best but it is the system used here and we must implement our changes pole, pole (slowly, slowly).  Steve is working on his oven, Dr. Pat is next door auditing books with Grace and I can smell rice boiling.

Let me start with a thank you to Karen M. from Calgary AB for embracing Daniel with her loving offer of sponsorship and to new friends Emily and Bret Okeefe who not only have reached out to us with sponsorship support, but are taking steps to help us acquire charitable status in Australia, AND, thank you Christina who has recently asked if she can help us obtain the same in Germany!  Our gratitude goes out to Dan C. for your generous donation to Tumaini as well Jennifer D., John M. and past Tumaini volunteer Rachel T and of course I cannot forget our ongoing supporters!  Thank you all, so very much!  Without support from all of you we will not be sustainable and I thank you SO very much for caring for THESE children.  There are so many other places you could put your money so Asante Sana for choosing to help us!

Young Mary returned to school on Monday after visiting the Dream clinic to have her liver checked.  She cried, thinking she wouldn’t see her new friend Dr. Pat again, but we’re bringing her home Friday afternoon for the weekend to monitor her and so she will say goodbye to her (and Cindy and Kal and Baba Steve) then.  She is still struggling with a dangerously low CD4 and a viral load which is much too high, but she has no pain from her new dawa (medicine) and a visiting doctor from the clinic told me yesterday that the second line ARV’s should benefit her in a stronger fashion and so we wait and we pray.

We met with Athuman and his bibi (grandmother) yesterday. (I sent him home to think about his future for awhile after he refused to even attempt his monthly examinations at school and after striking the teacher.)  We needed some time to figure out how we can best help him.  Athuman is a “dark” child.  He can be very sweet and funny at times and is incredibly bright and his English is quite good, but, Athuman rages.  If something doesn’t go his way, if he doesn’t get something he wants, OR, if he is asked to do something he doesn’t want to do, he begins to cry, wail actually, positioning himself strategically in an attempt to draw the most attention.  He will drop to the floor, shrieking, writhing about, and when I remove him from the other children, usually carrying him to his bed, he leaps up, opens his door and cries louder to ensure that we know he is angry/frustrated/hurt.  Unfortunately the frequency of his outbursts, here, at school, on outings, and their violence, will not allow him to remain at Tumaini and influence the other children in such a dangerous fashion, but, sending him home, to a Bibi who is out until dark is not much of an alternative and we do love him very much.

Bibi shared with us that, at some point before his father’s death from AIDS (and his mother’s murder last year), Athuman was taken to live with his father and new stepmother.  As is painfully customary in this and many other parts of the world, step parents are not often welcoming of a child not their own.  I see it all the time here, even with some of our staff, and marvel, repeatedly (as a stepmother yes, but more as a human being) at how an adult can be so incredibly cruel to a child in need, especially in light of that child having lost his/her mother or father. 

Athuman’s step mother took boiling chai (tea) and poured it on his forearms as a form of torture.  He still has the scars.  She then hurt him in a fashion that now causes him to soil himself without his knowledge.  He simply cannot feel what is going on “down there” sometimes.  He was brought home to his mother and then, as most of you know, she was murdered last year.  I had befriended Mama Athuman and had already brought him and brother Harriri to Tumaini House to help ease the pressures on her as a desperately poor mother, struggling to feed the six children which remained at home.  As a result of her death, Tumaini now supports six of her children, Deo, Anna, Gaspar, Athuman, Harriri and Liadi, our youngest.  There simply was no one else.   

In any event, Bibi explained that it was after Athuman returned home to his mother that his rages began.  I feel terrible for him, and it is terribly difficult for me to do sometimes, but I must ALWAYS put what is best for the family, as a whole, first, and his outbursts and uncontrollability simply cannot become a benchmark for the behavior of our children. 

In discussion with Dr. Pat, myself, Bibi, and Grace as translator, and with Athuman desiring to return to Tumaini House and to Young Roses School, we had to extract a promise that he will try his very best to control his raging and that, when he feels his temper rising, to come for assistance in processing it.  Dr. Pat suggested a screaming pillow.  She also advised us that unless Athuman helps us help him, we simply will not be able to cope and agrees that we MUST put the family unit first.  We then headed to school to apologize and to ask that he be readmitted.  Please pray for us.

Dr. Pat, Jenna, Emily and other Latifittes beware!!!  You would not believe how rapidly our little Latifa is building her English vocabulary!!!  Virtually every day there is a slew of new words spilling from her almost four year old mouth, AND, we have TWO birthdays coming up soon!!!  Latifa will turn four on March 6^th, following Liadi who turns three on the 1^st!  Other March birthdays include Zawadi (Joseph) who turns seven on the 16^th and Gerehad will be six on the 25^th AND I am delinquent in wishing fellow Tumaini Director Lisa Engelhardt-Robinson a very happy 50^th birthday this past week . . . I’m hoping it was wonderful!!

Homework is always a highlight of the day when we get a chance to monitor progress, assess struggles or catch and correct bad attitudes and I’d like to share a breakthrough with Christina which brought all of us joy.  Katy and Cindy had been working to help Christina understand the number before, “kabla”, another number.  Ie. 4 is kabla or before, 5.  Our children are counting but some, only forward, and so struggle with number position which they will need in order to do subtraction.  Christina simply could not process which number goes in front of or before another.  Well, we got it!!!  We chose a number, then added to it placing the appropriate number(s) baada, or after the subject number.  Then we began counting backward, pausing while Christina processed changing direction and counting backward instead of forward and Eureka!!  She got it!!  I have taken to raising my arms in the air while singing out, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” (think “Hallelujah”) followed by an, “Asante Mungu”!  Thank you Lord!!  It makes the children laugh, shares the celebration of a success with everyone else (because I don’t do it quietly) and encourages more effort from others!!  We’ve even begun sending the school bus off in the morning while the driver pulls away shaking his head and the Tumaini children join me in, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!, Asante Mungu”!!

To our past volunteers thank you for all of the love and encouragement and support (financial and otherwise, you give Tumaini) and please do send me your favorite Tumaini photo (including you!) so that we can construct our volunteer page AND our board in the dining room!

Things are good at Tumaini House.  Most shidas (problems) are under control and we work at resolving the rest.  The children, for the most part, are healthy.  Baba Steve’s super, long heating, fuel efficient oven is nearing completion.  We begin our second year here and welcome incoming volunteers and future visitors.  I will return mid April, and truly couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, doing any other work.  To friends and family, I miss and love you very much and look forward to catching up in person once I’m home.  I thank you all, so very much for your continued encouragement, love and support and especially, for believing in these very special little people whose lives we are changing in so many, many, beautiful ways . . . Asante!!!

Sunday morning/Afternoon/Evening at Tumaini

6:50 a.m. and the children are parading in to my room for morning kisses and cuddles.  We will have breakfast (mandaze [a doughnut], and chai).  I asked them if they preferred to have mya (eggs) now or badaye (later) with their picnic and they prefer badaye!

Our home is a gracious two story stone structure which was built as an investment by a tour guide operator.  The real estate market here went flat and the house had sat empty, unfinished for a number of years, until I found it and offered what I could afford to pay for the rent.  I chose this place, not because of its’ grandeur but because it is a two story, which has the smallest footprint and therefore, the most outdoor space, allowing our children a place to play.

One of the first things we needed to complete was the perimeter wall surrounding the house, which is needed for security.  Unfortunately the seven foot wall creates a barrier, literally, and reminds us daily of a sense of being contained.  I am not complaining because we are extremely fortunate to have what we do, rather, I would like you to understand my vision for starting Tumaini . . .

We have changed the lives of our Tumaini children in so many wonderful ways. . . oh so lucky are they to receive nutritious meals daily and quality education and love and I send my heartfelt thanks for your support . . . BUT!  Nutrition and medical attention and security gives a child energy, and ours abound in it now . . . pole (sorry), I had to stop for a moment!  The children were shouting for me to look at Liadi . . . who, this morning, and with Kelvin’s assistance, has learned to ride a bike!   

We jumped up and down in celebration and Kelvin is still helping him bank and turn but our youngest is riding and he’s not yet three!

Which, brings us back to nutrition and medical care and energy!!!  By the grace of God our children’s lives have changed dramatically.  They are now strong, for the most part healthy, and have energy to burn!  Our youngest live every day behind these walls and our older children do the same upon returning from school.  They, and by extension, we, sometimes experience a form of “cabin fever” and today I am treating them, and the children of Mana OVC to go swimming at the pool of a closed resort here in Usa, and yet, I have doubts, for the first time, about sharing this with you.  We have been criticized recently for creating too much of a “coddled” lifestyle here at Tumaini yet I will ask that you remember an enormous disparity exists here between the “haves” and the “have nots”.  There is opportunity for people fortunate enough to access education, medicine, and the comforts of a stable home . . . food, shelter and clothing, and I ask you to remember that our children were living in terribly desperate situations when I met and began helping them.  Some, I truly believe, would not be alive today had we not interceded.  Having said that, I did intervene, I chose children whose situations were desperate, dangerous even, and I started caring for them and I went home and asked you to help me help them . . . and you have, in such beautiful, loving, generous ways, and for that I can only say thank you.  It has been my vision since conception, to build a home full of love and all forms of support (educational, medical, nutritional) where our children will thrive . . . where they will feel the security of a safe place to sleep and constant and nutritious food, and discipline, and play!  They will stop being afraid that today’s meal is their last, that sickness (HIV or something else) will kill them before they have a chance to dream of a life.  They will learn responsibility and accountability and kindness, because our children didn’t begin their lives in a kind world.  They had lived in fear and hunger and sickness until we met and I began helping them with food and medical care . . . and then, with your help, they came here to our pretty, stone, Tumaini House and we gave them nice clothes donated by you, and they began to learn that they will eat every day and that if they get sick, we will take them to the doctor and that they have a responsibility to put their toys away, because they now HAVE toys, and that they must SHARE because there are things TO share, and that they must respect themselves and each other and help and protect those more vulnerable than themselves because each of us has worth.  (We had quite a discussion with Priska and all of the children about being gentle and loving and caring to those smaller, or weaker or less fortunate than ourselves, after she discovered a baby bird, fallen out of a tree and thought it “fun” to try to pull off it’s wings.   The discussion backfired on me, for, after explaining to the children that we must be ungwana (gentle) Jenny picked up a butterfly and ever so carefully brought it to me to “save”. . .)

With all of these changes it is only logical that the child too will change.  How he or she thinks, perceives the world, looks down the road at opportunity.  We do try to protect our children and we do try to remove the obstacles which prevent our children from reaching for a dream, to become a doctor or a teacher, or a mother or father who is equipped to better raise a family with a sense of responsibility for the life of a child.  It is in that vein that we expect our children to not only survive their lives but to LIVE them, fully, and by extension, to contribute to the futures of other children, of this country.  It is with that vision that I encourage you to understand that we have become a family and not just an orphanage.  We are building a home (yes, we currently rent but hope to one day build our own permanent home and school, with a field where the children can play futbol and burn off some of that energy!!  It is with that vision, that we hope to provide our children (who DID begin their little lives oh so desperately) with a real opportunity at a future.  Many of you have volunteered here already.  Many of you have met our children and can appreciate the changes in them and have witnessed their development.  You recognize that WE recognize we cannot change Africa, but perhaps only the lives of our Tumaini children and some sixty odd orphaned children struggling to get by in the village (Mana OVC) and that “only doing that” is just fine.  For those of you not fortunate enough to visit us here I first welcome you, with the caveat that this is not the place for everyone.  There ARE bugs.  Dust and pollution abound.  The food is hearty and nutritious if not a bit repetitive, but you fussy eaters can find what you need in town and bring it home should you wish and Neema is happy to make you whatever you ask her to prepare if you cannot eat the same food as we do.  Accommodations are basic and the house is chaotic at times, and for some volunteers, the combination simply doesn’t work and so local hotels are happy to put you up.  For the rest of us, we live here and we love it!  I couldn’t miss my six a.m. mornings with the kids or tucking them in at night.  I love to eat with them (yes the same food) and I love to take them on adventures!!  Like any loving mother, I find joy in their happiness and for the most part, our children are VERY happy and once again, I thank YOU for playing a very large part in that.  Your gifts at Christmas gave the children a sense of family, of self worth, of identity.  Our celebrations and travels took us (all of us, as a family) to a village where there were other children with less and we gave to them . . . I thought it was beautiful!  The children are beginning to learn that they are fortunate and with that good fortune comes a responsibility to help the next person in line and so on, and so I ask that your confidence in me and my initial vision for Tumaini continue and as you witness the children’s development, their growth you feel the same sense of accomplishment as I do when I witness one child reaching out to another. 

Life here at Tumaini House is no longer typical of an orphanage.  We HAVE become a family, living in our home, with good food, and stability and responsibilities and dreams.  We are not a perfect family and never will be . . . but we do our best, with your help and with your money (and we will need your assistance for awhile yet) and please, do know, that I so very much respect how difficult it can sometimes be to send that money every month and how very grateful I am for your loving generosity and I give each of you my word, because, in the end, that is all I can give, that I use your dollars respectfully, appreciatively and effectively to advance the opportunities for our children as you wish.  The “extras”, the confirmation dress, the burgers, the swimming and picnic we so enjoyed today (it is now 8:12 p.m. and I’ve just finished tucking the children in) are gifts from Mama and Baba and paid for by us, or, in some cases, donated with specific instructions to be used for the children “for something fun”.

Many people have asked how I found the courage to fly, alone, around the world to begin helping just a very few, desperately needy children in a small village in Tanzania.  I cannot answer the question except to say that, at the time, it was simply what needed to be done.   It is approaching two years later, and the answer is the same.  It is still, simply, what needs to be done.  The needs are different.  The quality of the lives of the children here at Tumaini has dramatically changed as you can imagine, as I had envisioned and as past volunteers can attest to, and for that we should be happy.  My friend, and fellow Tumaini supporter Dr. Pat is here visiting and I asked her what she expects to see here in the long run. Her answer is growth.  Intellectual, spiritual, natural, physical growth. I couldn’t agree more and I hope that you do pia, (also).  Lala Salama! (Goodnight!)

Mary, Ester and opportunities of tumaini (hope) . . .

Mary showing Bibi how Pat taught her to knit . . .

Yesterday (until the skies opened and we “swam” down Mount Meru) was a productive but “mixed” day emotionally . . . Katy, Raymond and Lohai arranged for the children to attend mass in our absence and Grace, Oddo, Dr. Pat, Mary, Ester and I jumped into the Tumaini gari (car) and Peter drove us up the mountain!  Our first visit was to Bibi Mary’s house (we brought rice, sugar, beans and a pineapple as gifts) where we offloaded and then made the climb (straight up through coffee plants!) the side of the mountain to Bibi’s house!  Pat had no trouble whatsoever, but Oddo lost his balance and arrived at the top wiping dust from his trousers!  It’s a steep climb!

Bibi was very happy to see us, as was Mama Ndogo (Mary’s young Aunt).  Bibi had taken a fall and injured her shoulder and so Pat checked her out, assessed that nothing was indeed broken but that muscles in her neck indicated that she had most likely strained herself during the fall.  We asked for a kanga and fashioned a sling out of it, but Mary’s Bibi is a busy woman and was loathe to allow her arm to “rest” in the sling . . . she kept flailing it about using it for expression in conversation!  Her neck may remain sore for awhile!  Grace was the translator and we had the bishop from the Christian Revival Church in Ndoombo present also, as we explained, as strongly as possible, how Mary’s ARV’s have failed her and that she is now on the only other option available for her . . . AND, that there are no other options!  We told them HOW ARV’s fail, at which point Mama Ndogo (little Mama, or Mary’s Aunt, who loves her very much and has attempted to substitute for her real mother whom Mary lost years ago), began to cry.  She confessed that, in ignorance, many, many times Mary would be given her medications only at night because she was up early to school and “they just didn’t know” how important adherence was/is.  Grace will return for a seminar for all positive children in order to explain clearly . . .

We stopped in to greet Ndelio, a young man damaged by polio and living with his sister.  I try to help him out monthly but he really does need sponsorship.

(It’s 5:15 a.m. here and I just heard a noise outside . . . opened the door and wandered out.  It has been HOT, but it rained last night . . . do I have a RAIN story for you while we were up the mountain!!  In any event the house is silent and dark; one rooster crows far off in the distance and there is the rustle of a loose sheet of metal somewhere near because a beautiful breeze is blowing . . . I can hear the leaves on the trees but other than that, nothing . . . soon the children will stir and Lohai will begin his day with the chickens but for now . . . oh wait, and some crickets in the background . . . Pat falls asleep to the sound of the crickets outside our windows – her room twins mine, and says she loves the soothing effect . . . I did not discover the source of the noise but met Lawrence, our security guard and he is firing up some hot water so I can buy him a coffee!  For those of you who know me, you will recall how very much I love coffee, but here, in the heart of coffee plantations we have nothing but instant and it’s not so good, so I’ve become quite a tea drinker . . . my tin of instant coffee powder is the only in the house and sometimes, some of the family NEEDS a caffeine kick and so they dive in!  BTW-Yesterday, I caught Neema putting black pepper in her chai/tea and thought she had lost her mind until she instructed me to taste it . . . tam!  Delicious!  Not so crazy after all!)

Following our visit to Mary’s family home and greeting Ndelio we ascended (and did we ascend!) up the mountain to a crest (imagine panoramic views of quilt work patches of gardens of different colours, breathtaking vistas of plateau which runs from Usa to Moshi and then far, far off in the distance, the climb of a smaller mountain range.  Everything up the mountain is lush and green; banana trees abound and are interplanted with coffee or other perennial fruits/vegetables.  The climb at times is precarious and Peter dropped us not only into four wheel drive but LOW range four wheel drive more than once - thank you once again Master Mechanic and UAP for parts which keep our gari going!

Mama and Ester

We were not expecting Babu Ester but he was there, having just returned from the burial of a brother-in-law and of course Bibi was there to warmly greet us with some freshly boiled milk for chai.  Ester as you know has a brother and a sister but we had an additional surprise yesterday . . . Ester’s mother!  You will see in the photo how beautiful she is but unfortunately is mentally damaged.  After Ester was born as she was, her mother struggled, probably, with post partum depression which would have been exacerbated by her fears of stigmatization both for herself and her daughter, she came undone emotionally/psychologically, and has never recovered . . . she has the mind of a child and is the equivalent of a street person one would meet at home, filthy dirty and scrounging for food as she wanders around Tengeru and Arusha . . . but sometimes she wanders home and she was hiding outside while we visited.  From a distance she made a call to her father, which, I think, Ester heard and recognized.  I had been doling out lollies for Ester’s family and had given one to Ester for her Bibi but Ester held back, not releasing it.  After a minute or so, Ester’s Babu wandered out and we followed, with Ester in the lead.  Ester’s mother was far off at the end of the garden but some welcoming words brought her nearer to meet us (that or the promise of a lolly).  In any event Ester was able to greet her mother, and we were able to meet her.  She appears simple, watching us with a fixed smile on her face she isn’t aware of.  She did greet us (we were very welcoming in order dispel any hesitancy she may have had and of course Ester was happy to bring her two families together, but I was reminded of the life Ester had lived in that house, with that mother abandoning her, with her physical challenges and the stigma her family attempted to protect her from.  As wonderful as it was to meet Ester’s mother, it was a cruel reminder of how a physical deformity combined with an unaccepting culture can break a family apart . . .

Following chai we wandered outside to see the grey, swirling fog of a storm brewing AND coming our way.  The family at Tumaini laughed at our soggy return home later, as they had seen and heard the storm coming from up the mountain!  They knew we would be hammered by it and were we! It was time to get moving!  Now, the gari (truck) has a tiny “jump” seat behind the driver and passenger seats and Pat and Mary and Ester sat there with Oddo in the front passenger.  That left Grace and I in the back of the truck with 40 lbs. of sugar we had purchased and the cushions we had snagged from the sofa at Tumaini!  Peter did his best to outrun the rain, but the roads are . . . well, dirt paths really with outcroppings of rock and dips of riverbeds crossing and so “run” is not really the word . . . Pat, jokingly passed us out first one, and then a second umbrella and Grace and I did okay for most of the ride. Only once did ask for sabuni (soap for our shower)! 

We had one final stop on our way down Meru, to the home of a little, seven year old girl named Pendo, whom Dream (the HIV clinic in Usa) had asked us to visit.  Our discovery was heartbreaking.  Pendo, who is positive, her twelve year old sister Zawadi and their Bibi share a bed, if you can call it that, (the photos are difficult to look at so be warned), without a net, in a large shed they share with some goats which they keep near at night because they do not have $2.00 for a new lock in order to keep them secure, Bibi is old and thus the goats are welcome targets for thieves.  Pendo is covered, head to foot, in a rash of some sort (we are bringing her to Dream today for a complete medical).  They obviously need some beds, blankets, sheets and nets and the girls have almost no clothing.  An alcoholic grandfather refuses to allow the Bibi to harvest any of the fruit from the trees on their property for food . . . rather he sells them for piwa (a local alcoholic brew) and the children and Bibi go hungry.  You can see the problems with the house (water entering from two directions), but Pat’s brother Dan has generously sent us a donation and instructed Pat to do with it as she fits and she sees fit here . . . we will help with the water and get Pendo on the mend. . . Dream sponsors her for school already and older sister Zawadi simply needs a uniform.  We cannot change Babu but we can provide some sheltered protection for Bibi and the children and send a heartfelt Asante to kaka (brother) Dan for helping us help these little ones!  Dr. Pat fears a raging infection after having inspected Pendo’s lymph glands and the rash is terrible, but she’s a happy little girl and her CD4 is 808 and so from that perspective she is doing very well!  By the way, the Bibi has “borrowed” the goats in order to provide her grandchild with milk and THAT is going a long way to helping Pendo stay as strong as she has and about the Babu (grandfather) . . . empathy for this entire family is called for because the girls’ mother died of AIDS, and the children’s father is not known . . . that is fodder for gossip and abuse and he has broken down and given in to the temporary relief of alcohol, but at what a cost . . . 

7 Year old HIV+ Pendo

Covered in Rashes head to toe

Hard to look at . . .

And this is home

Bed for Bibi, Pendo and sister Zawadi . . . the water comes in.

And comes in . . .

And comes in . . .

You will see in the photos how the deluge began . . . after accepting that the storm would not stop any time soon, we decided to head out . . . but how?  Oddo waded out into the 4” “river” soaking his shoes.  He found some stones and began making a walkway but why?  Look at the rain!  We were saturated by the time a) I raced around to the far side of the car and climbed in behind Mary, Ester and the now safely protected bag of sugar . . . Pat came in from the other side of the truck and please remember - it is quite a “heft”, up and into the back seat and she is a mature woman, although you wouldn’t know it by watching her race around here and play with the children.  Combine the rain, the heft AND the fact that her foot was suctioned, under 5” of flowing rain into a couple inches of soggy mud and you can understand her struggle to haul herself into the vehicle!  Peter tried to push but the foot wouldn’t release initially!  This was a funny recollection over dinner later . . . Grace and a now sopping wet Oddo piled in and we were off! 

I’ve been up Mount Meru several times now and I’ve always marveled at how the mountain “takes” such a volume of rain as falls during the long rains coming (hopefully) in the next three months.  Having witnessed yesterday’s deluge, I still wonder!!  The road dissolved below our tires as the torrent flowed downhill.  We would have shot some photos but were so cold from the rain and so busy wiping the fog from the inside of the windows that no one bothered to reach for a camera!  We are not certain but will let you know if Oddo’s phone survived . . .

In any event we made it down the mountain . . . and we arrived safely and soggily home, much to the titters of the family here . . . not a drop of rain had fallen here.  Pat dug her mud encrusted foot out of her sneaker and we all headed for hot showers!  Thank God the electricity was on!  Sending well wishes to all at home and happy Valentine’s Day . . . Gerehad has just climbed up onto my lap for cuddles before school . . . another wonderful day beginning at Tumaini!

Knitting Lessons and Barafu!!!!!

Bibi Pat is teaching Mary to knit, and tomorrow they scheme together for something chocolate!!!

So what ARE those green frozen things?  Barafu!!!  Made with tamarind and Tam sana!!!

Latifa, Pendo and Chrstina loved them also!!!

BUT!!!!!  GREEN TONGUES!!!!!

We helped another child go to school!!!!!

And don't tell THESE children the food isn't good at Tumaini!!!!!